Perfectionism is often praised as motivation or having high standards. It is commonly seen as the thing that keeps us striving and successful. In reality, perfectionism tends to do the opposite. It tightens self-criticism, fuels anxiety, and makes it hard to feel settled or satisfied, even when we are doing our best. Growing up, and even now at times, my inner critic echoes the belief that I am not enough or not good enough. This is a theme I hear often in therapy. Perfectionism thrives on...

Shame is one of the most painful and persistent wounds survivors carry. It can linger long after the abuse has ended, shaping how you see yourself, how you relate to others, and how you move through the world. Shame whispers that you were responsible, that you should have done something differently, that you are somehow “broken” or “too much.” None of those things are true, but shame has a way of feeling believable. Healing from shame  begins with understanding something essential: shame is...

The week between the holidays and January 1 can feel strangely heavy. There is excitement, of course, but also pressure. Pressure to reinvent yourself, set big goals, improve everything at once, or “start fresh.” For many people, the New Year brings comparison, guilt, or a sense that they have not done enough. If you have ever felt overwhelmed by resolutions or the expectation to suddenly be a different version of yourself on January 1, you are not alone. This post explores a gentler way to...