Holiday Stress Tips for Trauma Survivors – Finding Calm in a Triggering Season

For many people, the holidays bring joy, connection, and celebration. But for trauma survivors, they can also stir up anxiety, grief, or memories that make the season feel heavy instead of happy. When gatherings include family members who caused harm or ignored it, the pressure to “keep the peace” can be overwhelming.

You’re not alone in feeling this way. With the right coping tools and boundaries, it’s possible to move through the season with more calm, control, and self-compassion.

1. Redefine What the Holidays Mean to You

You don’t have to follow the script that others expect. It’s okay if your version of the holidays looks quiet, simple, or entirely different this year. Maybe it’s a peaceful day at home, a walk by the lake, or volunteering somewhere that reminds you of kindness.

Healing sometimes means writing your own traditions. Choose what brings comfort instead of forcing connection with people or places that feel unsafe.

2. Plan for Emotional Safety

If you anticipate seeing a family member who’s been abusive or dismissive of your experience, it helps to prepare ahead of time.

• Set time limits. Decide how long you’ll stay and how you’ll leave if you start feeling triggered.

• Have an exit plan. Drive yourself or arrange transportation so you can go when you need to.

• Create grounding tools. Carry something that helps you feel safe—like a calming playlist, a smooth stone, or a supportive friend on standby by text.

Remember: you don’t owe anyone access to you. Protecting your emotional safety is not rude—it’s responsible.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Say No

You are allowed to decline invitations, skip events, or step away from conversations that make you uncomfortable. “No” is a complete sentence, and it doesn’t need an apology attached.

Saying no creates space for what you do want—whether that’s rest, therapy, or time with chosen family who make you feel seen and supported.

4. Use Grounding Techniques When Anxiety Spikes

The holidays can activate old survival responses. If you notice yourself feeling tense, numb, or detached, grounding exercises can help bring you back to the present.

Try these:

• Focus on your breath—slow inhales through your nose, slow exhales through your mouth.

• Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

• Hold something textured, like a blanket or piece of jewelry, and describe it to yourself in detail.

These small practices tell your body you’re safe now, even when your mind feels flooded.

5. Build a “Calm Kit”

Before the season begins, gather items that soothe you—things that help you regulate when emotions run high. Your kit could include herbal tea, a favourite candle, a journal, or photos of safe people or pets.

Keep it nearby when visiting family or attending events. A familiar scent or grounding object can help you reset quickly if you start feeling overwhelmed.

6. Connect With Safe Support

Healing thrives in connection. Reach out to someone who understands your boundaries and can remind you you’re not alone—whether that’s a trusted friend, peer support group, or therapist.

If you’re working with a counsellor, talk about what’s coming up for you before the holidays begin. Together, you can create a strategy to manage triggers and strengthen your coping tools.

7. Practice Self-Compassion, Not Perfection

You don’t have to be cheerful, composed, or fully healed. The holidays can be messy, and so can recovery. Try to notice moments of small peace—a quiet morning, a good cup of coffee, a laugh with someone safe. Those moments matter.

Healing isn’t about pretending everything is fine; it’s about giving yourself permission to be real and gentle with yourself through it all.

8. Remember: You Get to Choose Peace

You may not be able to change your family’s behaviour, but you can choose how you respond. That choice—no matter how small—reclaims your power.

If spending the holidays away from harmful people is what protects your peace, that is an act of healing, not isolation.

I help clients navigate these complex moments with care and trauma-informed strategies that honour their experiences. You deserve a holiday that feels safe, even if it looks different from others’.

If You Need Immediate Support

If you’re struggling this season or feel unsafe, help is available 24/7:

• Talk Suicide Canada: Call or text 988 anytime for free, confidential support.

• Toronto Distress Centres: 416-408-4357 (24/7).

• Assaulted Women’s Helpline: 1-866-863-0511 (24/7, anonymous and confidential).

• Gerstein Crisis Centre (Toronto): 416-929-5200 (for mental health crises).

You’re never alone in this. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

About the Author

Karen MacKeigan, RP (Qualifying), RSSW, is a trauma-informed Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) and Registered Social Service Worker based in Toronto. With over five years of experience supporting adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse through her work at The Gatehouse, Karen brings an empathetic, client-centered approach to psychotherapy. She draws from a variety of therapeutic modalities to create a warm, safe, and collaborative space where clients feel heard and supported. Karen holds a BA in Psychology, an MA in Counselling Psychology, and diplomas in both Early Childhood Education and Addiction and Mental Health.

Learn more about Karen